Feelings of Adoption

One of my little sisters just recently asked for my feelings about the adoption process.  She was doing a speech from a soon-to-be-parent's point of view.  This is what I wrote for her and since I have not posted anything for about 8 months, I figured this would be fitting.

Waiting for an adoption has taken many forms in quite the roller-coaster of emotions. One of those being excitement. Excitement the day we got all our paperwork in and thought "We are going to be parents tomorrow! We are the best looking couple in the pool with the best jobs and the best extended family. We look really good!" Excitement every time we get a "hospital-baby" call (a birthmother who either didn't know she was pregnant or had not made a decision on an adoption plan births a baby and an adoptive family is needed immediately). Excitement when we get an email from our case worker that there are birthmothers making adoption plans and they will be choosing a family soon.

Another emotion being happiness-ish. While we are waiting, thinking about what our new little one may look like and grow up to be. Happiness as we prepare a nursery with the cutest jungle animals (painted all by myself!), purchasing our first crib and stroller. Don't even mention how happy we were when we bought the crib mattress and sheet! Happy that over the several years of infertility, we are finally going to get what we have always wanted. 

And then you get the feeling of just neutrality. "Eh, it'll happen." Go on with our day and sometimes not even think about it.

At the bottom of each rollercoaster hill, you have depression, anger, and jealousy. Watching other people with their brand new babies, hearing about people getting pregnant so easily as if by mistake. Wishing you were able to tuck your child in every night, give them a kiss, and read them a book. Wishing you could complain about having to deal with how much diapers cost, how little sleep you got the night before, that they are crawling and getting into EVERYTHING, that they cry all night, that you're using your own sick days because they're sick. Thinking the people that live in that house with the broken down cars out front and plastic over the windows, and six kids deserved them more than we do. Or the ones in the grocery store that yell at their kids in front of everyone. This, of course, makes us think "What did we ever do to not deserve our own children?"

And then with a quick email to and from our case worker, or a change of routine, or scenery, we are back to maybe the neutrality stage, or the happiness-ish stage, and quite even possibly the excitement stage.  Knowing full well that the roller-coaster ride will never end.  It will continue even after we are placed. Excitement of each milestone. Happiness in finally having someone to share our lives with. Neutrality when it all becomes routine.  Depression, anger, and jealousy when we go through the process again thinking it was easier the first time and why is it quicker and easier for some. The depression and anger and sadness of having your child get hurt, go to the doctor, get their shots, get really sick, getting no sleep.  It will never end. 

Home Study Finalized!

Since our last post, our adoption process has moved quickly.  In December, before Christmas, our adoption coordinator came out to do the home study.  This is where they make sure your home is safe for children (no chains or items of torture) and that you are sane enough to have children in your home.  Really all she did was check to make sure we had a room designated for a child, that every sleeping room had smoke detectors, and that our guns were locked up.  After that we sat down and had a conversation about what we were looking for in a child, how we met, and other biographical questions.
The home study writer came back the following week to do the second of three home studies (the third one will be done when a child is placed with us).  This time she only spoke with Lindsay for about an hour and a half and then with Matt for an hour and a half.  She asked questions about our childhood, our families, how we felt about our spouse, how we dealt with stress, work, and what our support systems were like.
It all went really well.  The writer had told us ahead of time that it is pretty difficult not to be approved on the home study.  You would have to be some crazy criminal.  Lindsay was not worried, but was very surprised that Matt was worried about being approved.  Matt is usually the optimist.  The writer sent a copy of the home study to us to look over before she handed it to her supervisor, and we had to fix any errors that we saw.  With a few minor errors it was ready to be finalized.
As of January 26th, we are officially able to have a child placed in our home!! YAY!
So what are the next steps?  We are currently working on our portfolio that will be seen by birthmothers (or soon-to-be birthmothers) and our "Dear Birthmother" letter.  These are handed to those parents who we are considered to be a good match for.  It's pretty much our life in a few pages and photos.  So it will take a bit to finish.
We also have to take an infant care class, which will be February 14th.  After all those are done, we will be officially placed in the pool of adoptive families!  I'm hoping by the time our class is finished, we will be good to go - so mid- to end of February is my goal.
We are both very excited!  It has been quite the experience so far, but we know since it's gone good so far, this must be what God wants us to do.  We are currently taking a break from all the injections, ultrasounds, blood draws, and fertility medication - letting Lindsay's body relax for a bit.  We are not giving up having a biological child, but it's nice to have a break!!