Our First Step

Well, we took our first step in the adoption process.  We signed up for an adoption workshop in September through Catholic Social Services.  For those that know what we've been through, it's been a very emotional and difficult journey trying to have our own child.  We continue that journey with the help of a wonderful doctor, Dr. Stigen, in California.  She has been the best doctor we've had through this 6 year ordeal.  She is just amazing and at least I am feeling and "working" more like I'm suppose to! If you know ANYONE that is having trouble getting pregnant please tell them about NaProTechnology (http://www.naprotechnology.com) and the Pope Paul VI Institute (http://www.popepaulvi.com).  It has been a Godsend for us!
When I first signed up to do a blog several years ago, it was going to be to talk about everything we have gone and will go through to try to have our own baby.  It's so hard to try to find out what to say and how to say it without feeling like you're asking people to feel sorry for you.  But things have changed a little.  While the process still continues to be heart-wrenching and depressing at times, I believe we have more optimism about it now than we ever have.
I hit 30 this year and just can't wait any longer, though.  So we are taking the steps toward adoption.  If we end up getting pregnant, too, well then, all the better!!  I am excited about this step in our lives, but nervous as well.  I hope that it does not take long, but then again, we've become experts at waiting.  I just pray to God that everything works out in the end and we end up with the baby we've always wanted.
As most of you know, adoption can be expensive and any help we can get is always appreciated.  You are more than welcome to donate to our adoption fund which you can do right from this blog. Just look on the right hand side to find the donate button.
It feels really good to get this out there, to write about it, to have people read it, and know maybe just a small inkling of what Matt and I have been quietly dealing with for several years.  Kind of like confession! :)  So we will continue to do what we have to to finally be parents.  Here is a little poem that I found that about tells it all about the way I feel.
God Bless!!

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. 

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. 
I have longed and waited. 
I have cried and prayed. 
I have endured and planned over and over again. 

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. 
I will notice everything about my child. 
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. 

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. 

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. 

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. 

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. 

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. 

I have prevailed. 
I have succeeded. 
I have won. 

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. 

I listen. 

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. 

I have learned to appreciate life. 

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown